If you are sometimes paralyzed by your own fears, it’s time to change! Most fears are holding us back to live the life we dream of. Here is how to overcome fear forever.
Repeat, repeat, repeat
Repetition is the mother of skill. If you want to overcome fear once and for all, there is absolutely no way of facing the fear just once. By attacking it once you will maybe tackle and shake it. But if you let it slide the fear will establish itself again naturally.
We are often lost in our habits. Think of your own natural reactions you have while doing something uncomfortable. If presenting alone in front of a group with everybody looking and listening to you, how do you feel? Are you playing around with your fingers? What about the posture, heartbeat or line of gaze? So there is always an immediate reaction we seemingly can’t even control at first. By repetition, we will naturally be stimulated less by the familiar surroundings. Imagine you already did 300 presentations. There is no more reason to feel uncomfortable because you know almost every possible outcome of the situation. On the contrary, you’ll then maybe even have the problem that you are just bored instead of worried while presenting.
The right way is to just focus on repeatedly facing the danger in order to overcome fear forever. Everything else will fall into place by itself. That’s one of the life’s mysteries. Suddenly we realize opportunities and hidden powers within us which will do the job for us. In challenging situations, you won’t have to care about bringing your heartbeat down or talking with a firm voice. If you concentrate on these tiny pieces of the puzzle, you can have a great improvement step by step. But if you focus on the big deal, and that is facing your fear as many times as possible, you’ll get the all-inclusive solution!
Set new standards
By repeating again and again you will automatically set new standards for yourself about how you act on fears. Each one of us has a predefined standard for what is acceptable and what is not in our lives. For example, for most people, it’s all right to play around with their smartphones when facing a new and foreign environment.
Let’s say to go to a party and none of your friends have arrived yet. From all the people currently there you only know the host. But he is already busy with running around providing everybody with drinks. So know your there, a great party, interesting people, but you’re „alone“. What do you do? What would YOU do? Would you actually approach these foreign people or just sit somewhere and get out your smartphone? Be honest with yourself and don’t add any conditions like „sure if I would be motivated“ or „if my style would be on point“.
The fear I’m talking about here in this specific example is the fear of rejection. We all have a nice atmosphere while spending time with our friends. They won’t reject our humor or thoughts about life since they are our friends. But for foreign people, we’re sometimes unsure if they would really accept us as we are. Of course, I can’t deny that there is a higher tendency that unfamiliar people would ignore us than our familiar friends would do. Yet in the end, we all can agree that this fear of being rejected is just complete nonsense. Who cares if one, two, three or even 100 people on this planet don’t like us?! We do. At least to some degree. So in order to overcome fear forever, let’s just do our best and set new standards for ourselves.
The sooner you rise, your standards the sooner you will overcome fear forever. The magic happens here. If you once set a new higher standard, you’ll almost never go back to the lower one. It’s like when you earn 30€ per hour, going back to 20€. There is just no way you would accept that without reasonable causes. So adapting our standards can only make us win! Be aware of what your current standards are.
Be forced to change
If we get to the party situation again, I have to admit my smartphone without Wifi offers me no entertainment at all. So playing around with my smartphone is more painful to me than being rejected by other guests. So I am actually forced to socialize. If I do not, I’ll just feel bad or bored.
If I’m honest to you for me right now it’s always a bit of a challenge to confront new people. But I link a lot of pain to not approaching people. Having the intention to approach and then not doing it, will make me fill sick. I would feel completely frustrated and suffer from that. That’s a BIG reason why the fear of being rejected got smaller for me.
Not everybody is like that and should be in my opinion. There are many people who’ll just accept their paralyzing fear and live with it. In the end, what will happen if you accept on and on, is that your intentions (to approach) will also diminish since these are linked together. On the other side, it may be not intelligent to get super frustrated just because you once didn’t face a little fear. Maybe it’s an exception and you’ve just gone blank for whatever reason.
So actually there are both positive and negative sides to linking pain for not facing a fear successfully. I invite everyone to choose this tool if it’s about silly fears like the fear of rejection or the fear of failing in front of others. You will need this method to overcome fear forever. Don’t accept any of these silly ones, because they really ARE pointless. I don’t know one scenario where the fear of approaching people has led to something valuable. If somebody found one, please share!
Strategy to overcome fear forever
Focus on one fear at a time
If you really want to get your fears managed, attack them systematically. Yes, you have to identify them first of all. You will realize that there are much more than one fear. Public speaking, touching big spiders, saying to your family members that you love them face to face, being rejected, not looking aesthetic on photos etc. Found at least one these fears to be true for you? Then start prioritizing them. What is the most annoying fear you want to get rid of right now?
By creating an actual plan you can focus on one specific fear at a time. Attacking them all at once will only give you little wide-spread results. We know that to overcome fear forever, it takes more than only a few attempts. So fist concentrating on one is the smartest solution. You should at least adapt a new behavior standard towards one fear, before going instantly for the next one. This will also make sure that you realize, you can do it! Every significant step towards overcoming fear forever will motivate you. You can use that motivation as a momentum for the next one.
Be inspired by others
Just look at other people like you and me. What fears did they have? And what exactly did they do to overcome it? People share everything on the internet. Nowadays you can see even what exactly people it over the day. They will even share the calories of their breakfast. So look around my friend, there is a lot of wisdom out here. There are so many people who already went through what you and I want to go through.
You are (almost) never the first one to do something! And if you might be one day, please share it. This is actually what is the most spectacular for all the people: Doing what has not been done before ever. New ways, creativity teachings, that’s what is the most rewarded in this world.
Let somebody else’s journey touch you. Relate his story to your own and identify similarities. People like to tell their own stories. Wise people like to tell about their difficulties and how they solved them. Achievers always like to share their life lessons.
Overcome fear forever by yourself!
Every one of us has big balls when we are in our comfortable group. We shout, we make jokes, we run around like not caring at all. That’s the power of the group. In groups, we encourage each other to break our limits and just do whatever we are up to. You can do whatever is socially awkward, but as long as our friends are entertained and provide positive feedback, you will even feel reassured to go harder.
But you and me we both know what happens when we separate. From that moment on where we are alone again the craziness stops abruptly. It’s incredible, isn’t it? We change completely in a few seconds. Why is that? Because there is nobody to reassure you, you’re doing the right thing or not. Only yourself. And one reassurance is always weaker than two or three ones. It’s actually a normal phenomenon and we’re not here to change anything about that. But what we can do is to assure that YOU are the one who is facing the fear, not the group.
If you are lucky enough to have friends with who you can work against your fears, grasp the chance and start a plan. You can start out together, but after all the real deal is to be fearless alone and not as a group. Because who knows, teams will change, split up, get back together and whatever the case may be.
We don’t want to make our balls dependent on other humans’ existence. Are you ready to take responsibility for your fears by yourself all alone? No question, depending on the fear, this is a hard one! Nothing easy about encouraging yourself over and over again. However, if you want to overcome fear forever this is the only way to go. Good luck, my friend!