In life, we will be faced with many situations where other people might judge us, look at us weird or simply shame us for doing things that aren’t right by societies norms. Social conditioning got the best of us and tries to make us feel that we have to fit in without ever expressing our true selves.
As a result, all of us carry a constant burden of what others might think of us if we do things that aren’t the same as what everybody else is doing. Therefore, we put up a front, talk through filters and rarely show our real personality to others in order to feel safe and accepted. The problem with this behavior is that we can never truly feel at ease and even if people then do accept us, we will know deep down inside that we are accepted for being someone we are not. Always remember, the only thing worse than not being accepted is only being accepted if you behave as someone you are not.
Even though trying to fit in perfectly and just being a people pleaser will work as a short term solution for not getting into any trouble, the long term effects of putting on a front a front and faking your personality will be of much greater pain. Constant inner pain, being disrespected by women, being shut down by society and not being able to create deep connections with other people are only a few of the consequences we will face if we don’t learn to congruently express ourselves.
In order for you to learn about how to stop caring about what others think of you and finally opening yourself up towards being yourself, we put together five tips on how to finally achieve the mental state of someone who is in no way affected at all by what others think of him.
- Everybody is his own center of the universe
As you walk around in your own personal life, you have your own friends, your own thoughts, your own fears, your own accomplishments, your own strengths and your own weaknesses. Everything in your life is seen through your personal eyes and we will never have the capability to watch life through the eyes of someone else. Even though we can learn to have empathy, life is still always going to be a subjective experience with you seeing yourself as the main character of the movie. Now as you walk around in fear of what others might think of you, you have to remember that you are only your own main character in life but not theirs. Do you walk around all day thinking about what other people did, how the behave, what they believe in and what kind of problems they have?
Your answer will most likely be that around 99% of the day you will mostly think about yourself and your own life and even if you might for short talk or think about someone else or what they did, it will never stay in your mind for too long, especially if we are talking about people that are not very close to you. As you walk around, always remind yourself that all of those people around you are their own center of the universe and just as you don’t really care about what they do, they don’t think all day about what you do. Even if people see you doing random weird things in public, they will notice it for a brief moment, give you a weird look, and instantly forget about you after you left. Remembering that we are not the center of other peoples movie is not just a very humble way to look at things but also a realization that will help you to care less about being judged and live more freely.
2. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations
Just as your biceps is a muscle that you can train, also your ability to become carefree and self-expressive is a learnable skill everybody can acquire. One of the best things you can do in order to get used to social pressure and standing in the middle of attention without caring about being judged or looked at weird inputting yourself in uncomfortable situations on purpose. The community of self-development talks constantly about getting out of your comfort zone in order to grow and also in terms of dealing with internal resistance towards congruence, we can use this concept for our benefit. By putting yourself in stressful situations where you feel judged, you will realize that you don’t just get less reactive to being judged but also that no-one actually cares about how you behave or what you do. People might give you a weird look but as soon as they pass you can already see that they forget about what they saw. A few things you can do in order to make yourself more uncomfortable are for instance starting to clap loudly, sing, dance, hold a speech or scream at public places. As you do more and more uncomfortable things, you will start to care less and realize to not take yourself that seriously at all.
3. Fake it till you make it
Another great way to ensure to care less about what others thinking of you is simply faking it till you make it. By telling yourself that you are not the kind of person that cares about what others think of you while at the same time acting accordingly will make you more self-confident way more quick than you might think right now. Now don’t forget, just as faking it is a good strategy to care less, also do things proactively to become less caring just like mentioned in tip #2.
4. Be humble
One of the biggest obstacles standing between ourselves and the life we wish for is our so called ego. Now don’t confuse ego with self-confidence. In fact it’s almost the exact opposite from self-confidence. While Ego is your self-image that you try to maintain, your self-confidence is deep inner knowledge that you are worth being loved and that you can come through life despite of whatever might be thrown in your way. Self-confidence is deep knowledge that you yourself without any filters are enough while the ego is a fake self-image that you are a certain person and that this is what makes your life worthy. By understanding that we are all human, that we all deal with problems and that we all are imperfect even if we don’t see it on the first sight, we can get at ease and stop trying to live up to a picture which others should have of us. Being honest about your own weaknesses and failures and not trying to put up a front since you are realizing that you are just humans and others deal with the same problems will not just get you out of your head but also make you realize that the fear of being judged doesn’t matter at all in the end.
5. Surround Yourself with people that themselves don’t care about others
By making friends with people that are loving and living life without holding themselves back and that are fully expressing themselves, you will also start to become more free of the opinions of others. The sentence „you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most“ has its value and shouldn’t be underestimated by any means. Learning from others people that are carefree, copying their attitude, their behavior and also fully opening up to them will help you to understand that you are worthy of being loved by completely being yourself and that no-one is better at being yourself than you!